How Employees Are Fooled

This says it all!

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Coffee Cup Analogy

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university lecturer. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.
Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.
When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said: “If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other’s cups.”
“Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn’t change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it.”
So please, don’t let the cups drive you…enjoy the coffee instead. Being happy does not mean everything is perfect.
It means you have decided to see beyond the imperfection

A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university lecturer. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.

Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.

When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said: “If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other’s cups.”

“Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn’t change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it.”

So please, don’t let the cups drive you…enjoy the coffee instead.

Being happy does not mean everything is perfect.  It means you have decided to see beyond the imperfection.

Truth About Software Engineers

10% of Software Professionals are predicted to be affected by major diseases like Carpal tunnel syndrome, heart diseases etc
20% of Software Professionals marry their co-workers
30% of Software Professionals are interested in Live in relationship because they tend to hate the responsibility both in office and house
40% of Software Professionals are confused about settling down (India or abroad)
50% of Software Professionals has No savings in their Bank Account
60% of Software Professionals are not satisfied with their current wages
70% of Software Professionals work more than 8 hours across globe
80% of Software Professionals live away from their Parents
90% of Software Professionals are NOT HAPPY about their Life, meeting deadlines, client satisfaction, incentives, promotions, increment, onsite trips, wife, children, visa status, and commitments
100% of Software professionals wish they had a choice other than computers in their life at least once in their lifetime
  • 10% of Software Professionals are predicted to be affected by major diseases like Carpal tunnel syndrome, heart diseases etc
  • 20% of Software Professionals marry their co-workers
  • 30% of Software Professionals are interested in Live in relationship because they tend to hate the responsibility both in office and house
  • 40% of Software Professionals are confused about settling down (India or abroad)
  • 50% of Software Professionals has No savings in their Bank Account
  • 60% of Software Professionals are not satisfied with their current wages
  • 70% of Software Professionals work more than 8 hours across globe
  • 80% of Software Professionals live away from their Parents
  • 90% of Software Professionals are NOT HAPPY about their Life, meeting deadlines, client satisfaction, incentives, promotions, increment, onsite trips, wife, children, visa status, and commitments
  • 100% of Software professionals wish they had a choice other than computers in their life at least once in their lifetime

Are you Ready for the Fully Integrated ID Card System?

You know Nandan Nilekani is invited by Govt to device a fool proof identity card for all Indians !!! It will be great if this happens !! And I am sure ours will be best integrated system in the whole world 🙂
Below is a small inkling of how foolproof the system is going to be 🙂
When we all have the UID card this could be one such conversation….
************* Conversation ********************
Operator : “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your…”
Customer: “Heloo, can I order..”
Operator : “Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?”
Customer: “It’s he…, hold…….. ..on….. .889861356102049 998-45-54610”
Operator : “OK… You’re… Mr Singh and you’re calling from 17 Jal
Vayu. Your home number is 22678893, your office 25076666 and your
mobile is 09869798888. Which number are you calling from now Sir?”
Customer: “Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : “We are connected to the system Sir”
Customer: “May I order your Seafood Pizza…”
Operator : “That’s not a good idea Sir”
Customer: “How come?”
Operator : “According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir”
Customer: “What?… What do you recommend then?”
Operator : “Try our Low Fat Pizza. You’ll like it”
Customer: “How do you know for sure?”
Operator : “You borrowed a book entitled “Popular Dishes” from the
National Library last week Sir”
Customer: “OK I give up… Give me three family size ones then, how
much will that cost?”
Operator : “That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The
total is Rs 500.00″
Customer: “Can I pay by! Credit card?”
Operator : “I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card
is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October
last year. That’s not including the late payment charges on your
housing loan, Sir..”
Customer: “I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw
some cash before your guy arrives”
Operator : “You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today”
Customer: “Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?”
Operator : “About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait you can always
come and collect it on your Nano Car…”
Customer: ” What!”
Operator : “According to the details in system ,you own a Nano
car,…registration number GZ-05-AB-1107. .”
Customer: ” ????”
Operator : “Is there anything else Sir?”
Customer: “Nothing… By the way… Aren’t you giving me that 3 free
bottles of cola as advertised?”
Operator : “We normally would Sir, but based on your records you’re
also diabetic…. … “
Customer: #$^%&$@$% ^
Operator : “Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July
2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman… ?”
Customer: [Faints]
You know Nandan Nilekani is invited by Govt to devise a fool proof identity card for all Indians!!! It will be great if this happens!!
Below is a small inkling of how foolproof the system is going to be 🙂
When we all have the UID card this could be one such conversation….
************* Conversation ********************
Operator : “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your…”
Customer: “Heloo, can I order..”
Operator : “Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?”
Customer: “It’s he…, hold…….. ..on….. .889861356102049 998-45-54610”
Operator : “OK… You’re… Mr Singh and you’re calling from 17 Jal
Vayu. Your home number is 22678893, your office 25076666 and your
mobile is 09869798888. Which number are you calling from now Sir?”
Customer: “Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : “We are connected to the system Sir”
Customer: “May I order your Seafood Pizza…”
Operator : “That’s not a good idea Sir”
Customer: “How come?”
Operator : “According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir”
Customer: “What?… What do you recommend then?”
Operator : “Try our Low Fat Pizza. You’ll like it”
Customer: “How do you know for sure?”
Operator : “You borrowed a book entitled “Popular Dishes” from the
National Library last week Sir”
Customer: “OK I give up… Give me three family size ones then, how
much will that cost?”
Operator : “That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The
total is Rs 500.00″
Customer: “Can I pay by! Credit card?”
Operator : “I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card
is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October
last year. That’s not including the late payment charges on your
housing loan, Sir..”
Customer: “I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw
some cash before your guy arrives”
Operator : “You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today”
Customer: “Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?”
Operator : “About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait you can always
come and collect it on your Nano Car…”
Customer: ” What!”
Operator : “According to the details in system ,you own a Nano
car,…registration number GZ-05-AB-1107. .”
Customer: ” ????”
Operator : “Is there anything else Sir?”
Customer: “Nothing… By the way… Aren’t you giving me that 3 free
bottles of cola as advertised?”
Operator : “We normally would Sir, but based on your records you’re
also diabetic…. … “
Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^
Operator : “Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July
2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman… ?”
Customer: [Faints]

Marital Woes

Really found these funny. Good for a laugh!!!

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

*********

Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.

Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

*********

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

*********

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

*********

It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered

*********

It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.

*********

If u r married please ignore this MSG,
For everyone else: Happy Independence Day

*********

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish.

*********

There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage

*********

Girlfriends r like chocolates, taste good anytime.

Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.

Wife r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice.

*********

Man receives telegram: Wife deadshould be buried or cremated?
Man: Don’t take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.

*********

Prospective husband: Do you have a book called ‘Man, The Master of Women’?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.

*********

Q: Why dogs don’t marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog’s life!

*********

There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going through hell.

*********

Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!

*********

Q: Why doesn’t law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!

CREATIVE PUNS FOR ‘EDUCATED MINDS’

  1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference.  He acquired his size from too much pi.
  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
  3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
  5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
  6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
  7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
  8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
  9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
  10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
  11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.   The police are looking into it.
  12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
  13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.  One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.
  14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
  15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
  16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.  When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘ No change yet.’
  17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
  18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
  19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
  20. A backward poet writes inverse.
  21. In democracy it’s your vote that counts.  In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
  22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
  23. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!