This says it all!
Category Archives: Humor
Coffee Cup Analogy
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university lecturer. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.
Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.
When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said: “If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other’s cups.”
“Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn’t change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it.”
So please, don’t let the cups drive you…enjoy the coffee instead. Being happy does not mean everything is perfect.
It means you have decided to see beyond the imperfection
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university lecturer. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life.
Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.
When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said: “If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other’s cups.”
“Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn’t change. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it.”
So please, don’t let the cups drive you…enjoy the coffee instead.
Being happy does not mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to see beyond the imperfection.
Truth About Software Engineers
10% of Software Professionals are predicted to be affected by major diseases like Carpal tunnel syndrome, heart diseases etc
20% of Software Professionals marry their co-workers
30% of Software Professionals are interested in Live in relationship because they tend to hate the responsibility both in office and house
40% of Software Professionals are confused about settling down (India or abroad)
50% of Software Professionals has No savings in their Bank Account
60% of Software Professionals are not satisfied with their current wages
70% of Software Professionals work more than 8 hours across globe
80% of Software Professionals live away from their Parents
90% of Software Professionals are NOT HAPPY about their Life, meeting deadlines, client satisfaction, incentives, promotions, increment, onsite trips, wife, children, visa status, and commitments
100% of Software professionals wish they had a choice other than computers in their life at least once in their lifetime
- 10% of Software Professionals are predicted to be affected by major diseases like Carpal tunnel syndrome, heart diseases etc
- 20% of Software Professionals marry their co-workers
- 30% of Software Professionals are interested in Live in relationship because they tend to hate the responsibility both in office and house
- 40% of Software Professionals are confused about settling down (India or abroad)
- 50% of Software Professionals has No savings in their Bank Account
- 60% of Software Professionals are not satisfied with their current wages
- 70% of Software Professionals work more than 8 hours across globe
- 80% of Software Professionals live away from their Parents
- 90% of Software Professionals are NOT HAPPY about their Life, meeting deadlines, client satisfaction, incentives, promotions, increment, onsite trips, wife, children, visa status, and commitments
- 100% of Software professionals wish they had a choice other than computers in their life at least once in their lifetime
How Many Languages Do You Know?
Are you Ready for the Fully Integrated ID Card System?
You know Nandan Nilekani is invited by Govt to device a fool proof identity card for all Indians !!! It will be great if this happens !! And I am sure ours will be best integrated system in the whole world 🙂
Below is a small inkling of how foolproof the system is going to be 🙂
When we all have the UID card this could be one such conversation….
************* Conversation ********************
Operator : “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your…”
Customer: “Heloo, can I order..”
Operator : “Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?”
Customer: “It’s he…, hold…….. ..on….. .889861356102049 998-45-54610”
Operator : “OK… You’re… Mr Singh and you’re calling from 17 Jal
Vayu. Your home number is 22678893, your office 25076666 and your
mobile is 09869798888. Which number are you calling from now Sir?”
Customer: “Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : “We are connected to the system Sir”
Customer: “May I order your Seafood Pizza…”
Operator : “That’s not a good idea Sir”
Customer: “How come?”
Operator : “According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir”
Customer: “What?… What do you recommend then?”
Operator : “Try our Low Fat Pizza. You’ll like it”
Customer: “How do you know for sure?”
Operator : “You borrowed a book entitled “Popular Dishes” from the
National Library last week Sir”
Customer: “OK I give up… Give me three family size ones then, how
much will that cost?”
Operator : “That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The
total is Rs 500.00″
Customer: “Can I pay by! Credit card?”
Operator : “I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card
is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October
last year. That’s not including the late payment charges on your
housing loan, Sir..”
Customer: “I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw
some cash before your guy arrives”
Operator : “You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today”
Customer: “Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?”
Operator : “About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait you can always
come and collect it on your Nano Car…”
Customer: ” What!”
Operator : “According to the details in system ,you own a Nano
car,…registration number GZ-05-AB-1107. .”
Customer: ” ????”
Operator : “Is there anything else Sir?”
Customer: “Nothing… By the way… Aren’t you giving me that 3 free
bottles of cola as advertised?”
Operator : “We normally would Sir, but based on your records you’re
also diabetic…. … “
Customer: #$^%&$@$% ^
Operator : “Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July
2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman… ?”
Customer: [Faints]
You know Nandan Nilekani is invited by Govt to devise a fool proof identity card for all Indians!!! It will be great if this happens!!
Below is a small inkling of how foolproof the system is going to be 🙂
When we all have the UID card this could be one such conversation….
************* Conversation ********************
Operator : “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your…”
Customer: “Heloo, can I order..”
Operator : “Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?”
Customer: “It’s he…, hold…….. ..on….. .889861356102049 998-45-54610”
Operator : “OK… You’re… Mr Singh and you’re calling from 17 Jal
Vayu. Your home number is 22678893, your office 25076666 and your
mobile is 09869798888. Which number are you calling from now Sir?”
Customer: “Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : “We are connected to the system Sir”
Customer: “May I order your Seafood Pizza…”
Operator : “That’s not a good idea Sir”
Customer: “How come?”
Operator : “According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir”
Customer: “What?… What do you recommend then?”
Operator : “Try our Low Fat Pizza. You’ll like it”
Customer: “How do you know for sure?”
Operator : “You borrowed a book entitled “Popular Dishes” from the
National Library last week Sir”
Customer: “OK I give up… Give me three family size ones then, how
much will that cost?”
Operator : “That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The
total is Rs 500.00″
Customer: “Can I pay by! Credit card?”
Operator : “I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card
is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October
last year. That’s not including the late payment charges on your
housing loan, Sir..”
Customer: “I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw
some cash before your guy arrives”
Operator : “You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today”
Customer: “Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?”
Operator : “About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait you can always
come and collect it on your Nano Car…”
Customer: ” What!”
Operator : “According to the details in system ,you own a Nano
car,…registration number GZ-05-AB-1107. .”
Customer: ” ????”
Operator : “Is there anything else Sir?”
Customer: “Nothing… By the way… Aren’t you giving me that 3 free
bottles of cola as advertised?”
Operator : “We normally would Sir, but based on your records you’re
also diabetic…. … “
Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^
Operator : “Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July
2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman… ?”
Customer: [Faints]
Marital Woes
Really found these funny. Good for a laugh!!!
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
*********
Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
*********
Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
*********
Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
*********
It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
*********
It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.
*********
If u r married please ignore this MSG,
For everyone else: Happy Independence Day
*********
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish.
*********
There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage
*********
Girlfriends r like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Wife r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice.
*********
Man receives telegram: Wife deadshould be buried or cremated?
Man: Don’t take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
*********
Prospective husband: Do you have a book called ‘Man, The Master of Women’?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
*********
Q: Why dogs don’t marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog’s life!
*********
There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going through hell.
*********
Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
*********
Q: Why doesn’t law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
CREATIVE PUNS FOR ‘EDUCATED MINDS’
- The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
- I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
- She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
- A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
- The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
- No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
- A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
- A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
- Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.
- I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
- A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘ No change yet.’
- A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
- The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
- The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- A backward poet writes inverse.
- In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
- When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
- Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
Things They Don’t Teach You at School
- They don’t teach you how to love somebody.
- They don’t teach you how to be famous.
- They don’t teach you how to be rich or how to be poor.
- They don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer.
- They don’t teach you how to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind.
- They don’t teach you what to say to someone who’s dying.
How guys select the girl they want to marry
A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.
He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover.
She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.
She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man is impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.
Guess which lady he chose to marry?
Think like a man . . .
(scroll down for the answer)
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He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!
Men are Men…. Obviously!!! 🙂
Say it with a Song
I simply love tagging games. Came across this one and was quick to play and put up the results.
The Golden Rules:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how they relate to the questions.
5. Tag at least 5 people.
1. How are you feeling today?
Raindrops keep falling on my head – B J Thomas
Yessss I am all pepped up to take anything on my stride today! Apt!
2. If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say?
Bolo na tum zara – Fight Club
Nah I do give an opinion, rather than asking the question back to them.
3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Love me for a Reason – Boy Zone
Oh yeah they do need to have some solid reason for me to like them!
4. Will you get far in life?
Chahe Zubaan Se – Dil Hai Tumhara
I would rather not say, I take my life as it comes!
5. What do you think about very often?
Kahin to Hogi – Jaane tu.. Ya Jaane Na
Well yes..I do reflect upon my life… and this one is very appropriate..cos I really thing of such a good life! Just hope that it exists!
6. What is 2 + 2?
Desi Girl – Dostana
Eeew..what is that supposed to mean!! No idea!!
7. What’s your best friend’s theme song?
Tum ko Dekha – Jagjit Singh
Hah..n am sure that comes to mind on seeing me!! 😛
8. What is the story of your life?
Kabhi Alvida na Kehna – Kabhi Alvida na Kehna
I do hate Goodbyes – n speciallly when SOMEONE is leaving!!
9. What is/was your high school like?
The Closest Thing to Crazy – Katie Melua
WOW!! That sure was… if not school ..then our headmistress definitley was!! Imagine … she used to hit girls!!
10. What is your motto?
Junoon – Abhijeet Sawant
Oh yeah I am passionate ..very much..about my work, about my things.. and….
11. What’s the best thing about your friends?
When you Say Nothing at All – Ronan Keating
No guys..please speak up..!
12. What do you think of the person you like?
All I want for Christmas
Not just for Christmas..I want the person forever!!
13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Paint my Love – Michael Learns to Rock
Paint?? Paint what?? Wall?? nah..not at all interested in painting, well yes at one stage had taken up painting..but totally lost interest. Yes if it’s with love definitley would paint my home with love.. oooh… how cheesy!! 😛
14. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Take me to your Heart – Michael Learns to Rock
Yeah.. please do…!!
15. Describe your grandparents.
Har Pal Yahaan Jee Bhar Jiyo – Kal Ho Na Ho
Well, they are no more. But I guess.. they would have definitely loved to live their lives to the fullest.
16. How’s your life going?
It’s the Time to Disco
Need to say more?
17. What is your biggest fear?
Ek Shaqs – Abhijeet Sawant
My fear is losing people close to me..not just one person.
18. What will be played at your funeral?
Pretty Woman – Roy Orbison
Am I pretty?? Didn’t know.. ok..let’s play that!
19. What is your hobby/interest?
Baahon ke Darmiyan – Khaamoshi
Hush Hush!!
20. Will you have a happy life?
Aur Kya? – Yes Boss
Yes sure!!
21. What do your friends really think of you?
I Miss You – Darren Hayes(Savage Garden)
Really people?..You all miss me so much??!!
22. Do people secretly lust after you?
Doorie – Atif Aslam
Aah.. cant stay away from me!! That says it all!
23. How can you make yourself happy?
O Re Piya – Atif Aslam
Well yes my sweetheart.. with you am always happy!
24. Will you ever have children?
Ek Din Raahon – Naqaab
Oh My God!! No, not on the way..
25. What song would you strip to?
Ek Din Aap – Yes Boss
Eeks.. never in my life.. whatever be the song.
26. What does your mom think of you?
Have I told you Lately – Rod Stewart
yeah I know..what you have been telling me lately!!
27. What do you think of your parents?
Koi Tumsa Nahin – Krissh
Very true!! No one is like them!!
28. What is your deep, dark secret?
Yeh Kya Hua – Shreya Ghosal
Oh no.. my secrets revealed!!
29. What is your enemy’s theme song?
Tumse Yun Milenge – Kunal Ganjawala
So how were they expecting to meet me.. !!!
30. What will you dance to at your wedding?
I Knew I Loved You – Savage Garden
Ooh…yes ..perfect!!!
Hey, this was fun. To add more fun, I am tagging my friends:
Moid at Circardian Rythms
Naved at Words of love.. words for love…
Vikram at Just Like That
Let us see what do they come up with!
Myriad Hues 