What if Aamir didn’t make Taare Zameen Par……

Well I haven’t yet seen the movie Taare Zameen Par..but know for sure that the movie will be good. Am not a fan of Aamir Khan..but really admire the guy for his choice of movies (except for Mela, which was a disaster and till date can’t understand how could Aamir do such a movie). Anyway, coming back to the movie, its basically the story about a teacher (Aamir Khan) and his dyslexic student(Darsheel Safary), having immense problems in differentiating between numbers and letters. But when it comes to drawing or painting he shows tremendous creativity. His family is unable to understand his problems, which lead to inevitable comparisons between him and his brother, who is a topper in his class. But when he meets his temporary art teacher at his boarding school, things change. With time, patience and care, the teacher ultimately helps his student find himself. This is Aamir’s directorial debut and with the very first one he has proved his mettle as a director too.

Taare Zameen Par Poster

Director: Aamir Khan
Story: Amol Gupte
Cast: Darsheel Safary, Aamir Khan, Tisca Chopra

But have you ever wondered how would the movie have been made if some of Bollywood’s big wigs had tried their hands at it??? Read on what Nitesh thinks they would churn out……

If Karan Johar made Taare…

Obvious starcast:
Shah Rukh Khan as the arts teacher (duh duh duh!!).
Aryan Khan as the dyslexic child (even if he could not act for nuts).
Rani Mukerjee as the kid’s mom (assuming Kajol is unavailable).
Abhishek Bachchan as the kid’s dad.
Amitabh Bachchan as the school principal (who cares if the role is ultra minute, he can afford it).

It would be shot in New York to appeal to the NRI audience.
The story line would obviously be different. SRK would fall for the dyslexic kid’s mom. The last scene would have the mom running to the teacher rather than the kid. And again, like in so many other movies, SRK would get someone else’s girl.
It would have one dance number.
The film would be titled ‘Kuch Taare Zameen Par.’

If Sanjay Leela Bhansali made Taare…

Obvious starcast:
Salman as the teacher.
Rani as the mother.

Of course the whole film would be shot on elaborate sets. The school would be nothing short of Harvard university.
An orchestra would play every time anyone cried.
Slow motion, different camera angles for every scene.
The school uniforms would match the classroom walls even though that does not make a f***ing difference.
The film would cost 60 crores.

If Farah Khan made Taare…

Obvious starcast:
SRK as the teacher (yawn).

In the original Taare, Aamir makes an entry at the interval point. In Farah’s version, SRK would be on screen on for 2.30 hrs out of the 2.45 hrs and would be introduced in the first scene itself.
The story would be changed to make sure the above happened. The focus of the film would be a teacher who helps a kid fight dyslexia.
To make it a complete entertainer, there would be a romantic angle, comedy, and action thrown in. Oh idea!! Nikumbh’s character likes another teacher and the kiddo helps him.. throw in some comedy moments there and you have romance and comedy settled. For action.. hmm.. lemme see.. oh yah, the kid gets kidnapped and the teacher fights the baddies to save him. Wow!! I’m quite an imaginative writer. I can see how Farah can write a film from scratch in two weeks straight.
The film posters would have a big SRK with the tiny image of the kid in the background.

If Rakesh Roshan made Taare…

Obvious starcast:
Hrithik Roshan as the teacher.

Since Rakesh Roshan cannot think beyond science fiction these days, this film would have that too. Instead of dyslexia, the kid would have alienositis or something, a condition induced due to him witnessing an alien abduction.
Instead of Nikumbh being an arts teacher, he would be a physics teacher, and instead of asking kids to be creative, he would ask them to challenge the science we know.
In the scene where Nikumbh asks the kids to open their minds and make whatever they want outdoors, the kid Ishaan, instead of making a boat, would end up making a working spaceship prototype.
Nikumbh would cure the kids problem by making a full fledged version of the kid’s prototype, traveling to the alien planet, and asking them to give the kid his powers back.
The film would have music by Rajesh Roshan ripped off from some world music.
The film’s name would again start with a K.. probably ‘Kuch Aliens Taaron se Zameen Par’.
The director would make sure Hrithik gets to show all his abilities. This would mean a scene with Roshan jr flexing his muscles, and a dance competition in the end, instead of an arts competition.

If Priyadarshan made Taare…

Obvious starcast:
Akshay Kumar as the teacher.
Paresh Rawal as the kid’s dad.

It would be a brainless comedy. The kid’s dyslexia would be made fun of. Half the times the parents will be running after the kid from one room to the other and that, in the director’s opinion, would be funny.
The film will be full of sex jokes. So for example, when Akshay would come to the parents telling them that their son has dyslexia, the ignorant father would say something inappropriate like ‘iss umar mein? par kaise, woh to hamesha boys school mein padha hai!’. And yes, the director would think it is funny.
In the climax of the film all the characters in the film would run around in the amphitheater for no reason, spilling colors on each other. That’s where the film will end, without any logical conclusion.
And of course, Paresh Rawal would emote like an epileptic himself making us question the boy’s mental abilities anyway.


River IQ Game

Tried the River IQ Game? This a very interesting game which gets frustrating as your trials at getting all the people across the river is a failure and results in some punches. It took me 10 mins. to crack it and tell you don’t think the first time you have done it the next time you will be able to do it quick ..it will take another round of logical thinking and strategic planning to get them all there!!

The instructions are in Japanese, I guess, am not sure though. But don’t get worried..just click on the big blue circle to start and assuming that you all do not read Japanese, here are the instructions in English 😉

  • To move the people, click on them.
  • To move the raft, click on the pole on the opposite side of the river.

Rules

  • Only 2 people can be on the raft at the same time
  • The Father cannot be left alone with either or both of the daughters without their Mother
  • The Mother cannot be left alone with either or both of the sons without their Father
  • The thief (the redhead in the striped shirt) cannot stay with any family member if the Policeman is not there — she gets violent
  • Only the adults (the Father, the Mother and the Policeman) know how to operate the raft

Click on the image below to start your trip.

River IQ Game

So go on give it a try and let me know how long did you take to get everybody across the river.

The Perfect Kill- Denis R. Soreng

Got this short story through mail… read it till the end… !!

It was late in the evening when I entered Howrah Station .It was teeming with office workers returning home after a typically tiring day at work. I didn’t look forward to the prospect of returning home to my husband. The love between us had died years ago. Our marriage had been transformed into a dead corpse buried deep beneath a pile of painful memories. The bits and pieces of pleasure I derived from my daily existence were my only source of sustenance. My husband had accused me of being mentally deranged. But only I know better. He should have thought of a better reason than that to get rid of me.

I hauled my self into a train standing nearby. Finding a seat lying vacant I gleefully slid into it. After having exhausted myself at work securing a place to ease my legs was a welcome relief. The scene inside the train was disquieting. The train being the last one on that particular route, it wasn’t long before the compartment was bursting to the full with people. They jostled and fought with each other in a desperate attempt to keep from falling off.

June is the hottest month in Kolkata; it’s when the when the summers are at the peak of their torment. The sweltering heat conspired with the intolerable humidity to beat the lives out of the commuters. The stench from the garbage rotting on the rail tracks combined with the nauseating smell of human sweat to pervade the whole atmosphere. I felt like vomiting. I subconsciously swallowed the spittle that formed in my throat. In despair, I stared up at the ceiling for comfort. A solitary fan hung up there in a state of eternal rest, hideously shrouded in spider webs. I closed my eyes in a bid to rest my mind. Slowly I allowed myself to fall into a labored slumber.

When I awoke the train had traveled far into the countryside. The seat next to mine was occupied by a pretty nymphet. She had a concerned look on her face. The object of her anxiety was seated right opposite to us. He was the most loathsome, horrid specimen of mankind I had ever seen. He evidently appeared to be a village goon of some reputation. His bloodshot eyes were planted firmly on the girl. She squirmed uncomfortably in her seat under his leering looks. The redness of his eyes was indicative of the fact that he had soaked himself in liquor far exceeding socially acceptable limits.

The girl’s nervousness was infectious. I looked around the compartment. It was completely vacant except for the three of us. I began to grow uneasy. The girl pressed my hand and held up a piece of newspaper for my inspection. She pointed towards a front-page news report. It was on a sensational serial killer who had been haunting Kolkatans for the past couple of weeks. Six young girls had been murdered in different parts of the city. They were discovered with their throats brutally slit open. The killings had been executed with such meticulous efficiency that the murder scenes were totally devoid of any clues. The police were baffled. The report went on to draw parallels with the legendary ‘Stoneman’ who had terrorized Calcutta in early the 90’s and whose identity was yet to be ascertained. The report was undeniably scary and chilling to the bone.

The girl had visibly paled. She motioned with her eyes indicating to me that she considered the man sitting opposite to be a prime suspect. The girl was badly scared and I must admit I was pretty worried myself. Suddenly the train slowed as it approached an oncoming station. I was contemplating the feasibility of getting off the train, well before my intended destination, when the man himself stood up. To my utter surprise and immense joy he hopped off the train as it came to a screeching halt. The girl looked at me and both of us let out a huge sigh of relief. The tension having been released, she began to giggle. I caught up with her silly laughter and soon both of us were laughing away in abandon.

With a rude jerk the train started moving. Soon it was speeding across vast open countryside at a furious pace. Her jangled nerves having been calmed, the girl had begun to doze in her seat. As I looked at her I wondered just how naïve and unsuspecting young girls can be. I slipped my hand inside my handbag and firmly gripped the kitchen knife I always carried. I felt a strange numbness in my fingers but it had to be done. Besides she had an exceedingly beautiful neck. Such a pity!

Did that send a chill down your spine?