Finding and Keeping a Life partner!

When it comes to making the decision about choosing  a life partner, no-one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce  rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in  their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’re  getting married, they’ll say: “We’re in love”; I believe this is the  …1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should  never be based on love. Though this may sound “not politically  correct”, there’s a profound truth here.

Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather,  love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are  right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: “You can’t  build a lifetime relationship on love alone”; You need a lot  more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if  you’re serious about finding and keeping a life  partner.

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life  purpose? Why is this so important?
Let me put it this way:  If you’re married for 20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with  someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and  more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage:
(1) You can  grow together, or
(2) You can grow apart. 50% of the people out there  are growing apart.

To make a marriage work, you need to know what you  want out of life!
Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.


QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings  and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of  your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with  this person. The basis of having good communication is trust – i.e.  trust that I won’t get “punished”; or hurt for expressing my honest  thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive  person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts  and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel  emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.


QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a  mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive  person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on  personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving  themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as “someone who is  always striving to be good and do the right “;. So ask about your  significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person  materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top  priority is character refinement.

There are essentially two types of people in the  world:
(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
(2) people who  are dedicated to seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to  be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right  thing. You need to know
that before walking down the  aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other  people?
The one most important thing that makes any  relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to  give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to  others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-  absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following: How do  they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as  waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and  siblings? Do they have gratitude and  appreciation?

If they don’t have gratitude for the people who  have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You  can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually  treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I’m hoping to  change about this person after we’re married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying  someone with the intention of trying to “improve”; them after  they’re married. As a
colleague of mine puts it: “You can probably expect  someone to change after marriage for the worse” If you cannot fully  accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to  marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult  and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your  head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible  when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help  you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but  when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don’t want to find  yourself trouble because you didn’t do your homework.

Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller,  M.A.

Things They Don’t Teach You at School

  • They don’t teach you how to love somebody. 
  • They don’t teach you how to be famous. 
  • They don’t teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. 
  • They don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer. 
  • They don’t teach you how to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind. 
  • They don’t teach you what to say to someone who’s dying. 

How guys select the girl they want to marry

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.

He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover.
She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.
She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.
She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Guess which lady he chose to marry?

Think like a man . . .

(scroll down for the answer)

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He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!

Men are Men…. Obviously!!! 🙂

Life is a Gift

Today before you say unkind word – Think of someone who can’t speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food – Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife – Think of someone who’s crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life – Think of someone who died too early on this earth.

Before you complain about your children – Think of someone who desires children but they’re barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn’t clean or sweep – Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive – Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job – Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job. 

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another – Remember that not one of us is without sin. 

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down – Put a smile on your face and think: you’re alive and still around.

Kahin toh Hogi

Yes I wonder, where is this world where all your dreams and wishes come true…!!! Why doesn’t real life has a happy ending like reel life..why does real life ends with pain and heartbreak more than often!! 😦

Really love this song.  Cos it reflects my  feelings. 

Here are the lyrics:

Kahin to.. kahin to..
Hogi woh duniya
Jahaan tu mere saath hai..

 
Jahaan mein, jahaan tu,
Aur jahaan, bas tere mere jazbaat hain,
Hogi jahaan subah teri palko ki kiranon mein,
Lori jahan chand ki sune teri baahon mein.. 

(Jaane naa kahaan wo duniya hai?
Jaane naa wo hai bhi ya nahi?
Jahaan meri zindagi mujhse,
Itni khafa nahi..) – 2

Saansein kho gayin hain kiski aahon mein,
Main kho gayi hoon jaane kiski baahon mein,
Manzilon se raahein dhoondhti chali,
Kho gayi hai manzil kahin rahon mein.. 

Kahin to, kahin to hai nasha..
Teri meri har mulaqaat mein.
Honton se, honton ko choomti, 
o rehte hai hum har baat pe.

Kehti hai fiza jahan,
Teri zameen aasmaan.
Jahan hai tu, meri hassi,
Meri khushi, meri jaan……

(Jaane naa kahan woh duniya hai,
Jaane naa wo hai bhi ya nahi,
Jahaan meri zindagi mujhse,
Itni khafa nahi..) – 3

Movie :Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na
Singer :Rashid Ali, Vasundhara Das
Music Director :A R Rahman 
Lyrics : Abbas Tyrewala
Year : 2008
Actors : Genelia Dsouza, Imraan Khan
Director :Abbas Tyrewala

Never say I love you….

Never say I love you
If you really don’t care. 

Never talk about feelings
If they aren’t really there. 

Never hold my hand
If you are going to break my heart. 

Never say you’re going to
If you don’t really plan to start. 

Never look into my eyes
If all you do is lie. 

Never say hello
If what you really mean is goodbye. 

If you really mean forever
Then say you will try. 

Never say forever
Cause forever makes me cry.

Say it with a Song

I simply love tagging games. Came across this one and was quick to play and put up the results.

The Golden Rules:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense.
4. With the answers, give your own comments on how they relate to the questions.
5. Tag at least 5 people.

1. How are you feeling today?
Raindrops keep falling on my head – B J Thomas
Yessss I am all pepped up to take anything on my stride today! Apt!

2. If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say?
Bolo na tum zara – Fight Club
Nah I do give an opinion, rather than asking the question back to them.

3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Love me for a Reason – Boy Zone
Oh yeah they do need to have some solid reason for me to like them!

4. Will you get far in life?
Chahe Zubaan Se – Dil Hai Tumhara
I would rather not say, I take my life as it comes!

5. What do you think about very often?
Kahin to Hogi – Jaane tu.. Ya Jaane Na
Well yes..I do reflect upon my life… and this one is very appropriate..cos I really thing of such a good life! Just hope that it exists!

6. What is 2 + 2?
Desi Girl – Dostana
Eeew..what is that supposed to mean!! No idea!!

7. What’s your best friend’s theme song?
Tum ko Dekha – Jagjit Singh
Hah..n am sure that comes to mind on seeing me!! 😛

8. What is the story of your life?
Kabhi Alvida na Kehna – Kabhi Alvida na Kehna
I do hate Goodbyes – n speciallly when SOMEONE is leaving!!

9. What is/was your high school like?
The Closest Thing to Crazy – Katie Melua
WOW!! That sure was… if not school ..then our headmistress definitley was!! Imagine … she used to hit girls!!

10. What is your motto?
Junoon – Abhijeet Sawant
Oh yeah I am passionate ..very much..about my work, about my things.. and….

11. What’s the best thing about your friends?
When you Say Nothing at All – Ronan Keating
No guys..please speak up..!

12. What do you think of the person you like?
All I want for Christmas
Not just for Christmas..I want the person forever!!

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Paint my Love – Michael Learns to Rock
Paint?? Paint what?? Wall?? nah..not at all interested in painting, well yes at one stage had taken up painting..but totally lost interest. Yes if it’s with love definitley would paint my home with love.. oooh… how cheesy!! 😛

14. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
Take me to your Heart – Michael Learns to Rock
Yeah.. please do…!!

15. Describe your grandparents.
Har Pal Yahaan Jee Bhar Jiyo – Kal Ho Na Ho
Well, they are no more. But I guess.. they would have definitely loved to live their lives to the fullest.

16. How’s your life going?
It’s the Time to Disco
Need to say more?

17. What is your biggest fear?
Ek Shaqs – Abhijeet Sawant
My fear is losing people close to me..not just one person.

18. What will be played at your funeral?
Pretty Woman – Roy Orbison
Am I pretty?? Didn’t know.. ok..let’s play that!

19. What is your hobby/interest?
Baahon ke Darmiyan – Khaamoshi
Hush Hush!!

20. Will you have a happy life?
Aur Kya? – Yes Boss
Yes sure!!

21. What do your friends really think of you?
I Miss You – Darren Hayes(Savage Garden)
Really people?..You all miss me so much??!!

22. Do people secretly lust after you?
Doorie – Atif Aslam
Aah.. cant stay away from me!! That says it all!

23. How can you make yourself happy?
O Re Piya – Atif Aslam
Well yes my sweetheart.. with you am always happy!

24. Will you ever have children?
Ek Din Raahon – Naqaab
Oh My God!! No, not on the way..

25. What song would you strip to?
Ek Din Aap – Yes Boss
Eeks.. never in my life.. whatever be the song.

26. What does your mom think of you?
Have I told you Lately – Rod Stewart
yeah I know..what you have been telling me lately!!

27. What do you think of your parents?
Koi Tumsa Nahin – Krissh
Very true!! No one is like them!!

28. What is your deep, dark secret?
Yeh Kya Hua – Shreya Ghosal
Oh no.. my secrets revealed!!

29. What is your enemy’s theme song?
Tumse Yun Milenge – Kunal Ganjawala
So how were they expecting to meet me.. !!!

30. What will you dance to at your wedding?
I Knew I Loved You – Savage Garden
Ooh…yes ..perfect!!!

Hey, this was fun. To add more fun, I am tagging my friends:
Moid at Circardian Rythms
Naved at Words of love.. words for love…
Vikram at Just Like That

Let us see what do they come up with!

Journey of a Girl

 

4 years old –

She sees her papa waiting for her outside school. She runs towards him and falls flat on face. She looks up and there is the hand of her father helping her with the pain.

10 years old –

She comes back home crying for a loss of friend. A friend who betrayed her for another. There is the hand of a mother trying to wipe her tears.

17 years old –

She is in her teen age and there is a guy harassing her. There is a brother to protect her and she feels safe.

19 years old –

She is going through an emotional crisis unable to understand her feelings. There is a sister who helps her understand those feelings.

25 years old –

She is in love. She has abondoned every one for this one man.

Today –

She is in pain. Yet another pain and nobody to understand her or help her. The pain of losing one and all for none. No love no family. She looks up for one hand and there is none.

And sees her own shadow today.