Marital Woes
Really found these funny. Good for a laugh!!!
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
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Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.
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Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
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It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered
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It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.
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If u r married please ignore this MSG,
For everyone else: Happy Independence Day
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Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say.
After marriage, he’ll fall asleep before you finish.
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There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage
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Girlfriends r like chocolates, taste good anytime.
Lovers r like PIZZAS, Hot n spicy, eaten frequently.
Wife r like Dal RICE, eaten when there`s no choice.
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Man receives telegram: Wife deadshould be buried or cremated?
Man: Don’t take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ash.
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Prospective husband: Do you have a book called ‘Man, The Master of Women’?
Salesgirl: The fiction department is on the other side, sir.
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Q: Why dogs don’t marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog’s life!
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There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go through hell for her. They got married and now he is going through hell.
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Fact of life: One woman brings you into this world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so for the rest of your life!
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Q: Why doesn’t law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
Happy Mother’s Day
A man stopped at a flower shop for ordering some flowers to be sent as a gift to his mother who lived two hundred miles away.
As he got out of his car he noticed a young girl sitting on the curb sobbing. He asked her what was wrong and she replied, “I wanted to buy a red rose for my mother. But I only have seventy-five cents, and a rose costs two dollars.”
The man smiled and said, “Come on in with me. I’ll buy you a rose.” He bought the little girl her rose and ordered his own mother’s flowers.
As they were leaving he offered the girl a ride home. She said, “Yes, please! You can take me to my mother.”
She directed him to a cemetery, where she placed the rose on a freshly dug grave. The man returned to the flower shop, canceled the gifting order, picked up a bouquet and drove the two hundred miles to his mother’s house.
At times we take many such relationships with our family and friends for granted. Learn to value them.
Best Wishes for Mothers Day!
Will you hold the Umbrella for me….
……..when we grow old together.
One fine day, an old couple around the age of 70, walks into a lawyer’s office. Apparently, they are there to file a divorce.
Lawyer was very puzzled, after having a chat with them, he got their story….This couple had been quarreling all their 40 over yrs of marriage nothing ever seems to go right.
They hang on because of their children, afraid that it might affect their up-bringing. Now, all their children have already grown up, have their own family, there’s nothing else the old couple have to worry about, all they wanted is to lead their own life free from all these years of unhappiness from their marriage, so both agree on a divorce….
Lawyer was having a hard time trying to get the papers done, because he felt that after 40 yrs of marriage at the age of 70, he couldn’t understand why the old couple would still want a divorce..
While they were signing the papers, the wife told the husband..
“I really love u, but i really cant carry on anymore, I’m sorry..”
“Its o.k, i understand.. ” said the husband. Looking at this, the lawyer suggested a dinner together, just 3 of them,wife thought, why not, since they are still gonna be friends..
At the dining table, there was a silence of awkwardness.
The first dish was roasted chicken, immediately, the old man took the drumstick for the old lady..”take this, its your favorite..”
Looking at this, the lawyer thought maybe there is still a chance, but the wife was frowning when she answer..”
This is always the problem, you always think so highly of yourself, never thought about how I feel, don’t you know that i hate drumsticks?”
Little did she know that, over the years, the husband have been trying all ways to please her, little did she know that drumsticks was the husband’s favorite. Little did he know that she never thought he understand her at all, little did he know that she hates drumsticks even though all he wants is the best for her.
That night, both of them couldn’t sleep, toss and turn, toss and turn…after hours, the old man couldn’t take it anymore, he knows that he still loves her, and he cant carry on life without her, he wants her back, he wants to tell her, he is sorry, he wanted to tell her “i love you”…
He picks up the phone, starting dialing her number….ringing never stops..he never stop dialing….
On the other side, she was sad, she couldn’t understand how come after all these years, he still doesn’t understand her at all, she loves him a lot, but she just cant take it anymore….phone’ s ringing, she refuses to answer knowing that its him…”whats the point of talking now that its over…i have ask for it and now i wanna keep it this way, if not i will lose face..”she thought…still ringing…she have decided to pull out the cord…
Little did she remember, he have heart problems…
The next day, she received news that he had passed away…she rushed down to his apartment, saw his body, lying on the couch still holding on to the phone…he had a heart attack when he was still trying to get through her phone line….
As sad as she could be…she will have to clear his belongings.. .when she was looking thru the drawers, she saw this insurance policy, dated from the day they got married, with the beneficiary being her… And together in those file, there was this note…
“To my dearest wife, by the time you’re reading this, I’m sure I’m no longer around, I bought this policy for you, though the amount is only $100k, I hope it will be able to help me continue my promise that i have made when we got married, I might not be around anymore, I want this amount of money to continue taking care of you, just like the way I will if I could have live longer. I want you to know I will always be around, by your side… ” I LOVE YOU SWEET HEART”
Tears flowed like river……
“When you love someone, let them know… You never know what will happen the next minute…. Learn to build a life together.. Learn to love each other. For who they are.. not what they are…”
Happy Anniversary!
If you believe in destiny then you have know that things happen when they are meant to be. Things happen for reasons beyond human comprehension. That is how I met someone. Out of the blue I meet this perfect stranger three years back, on this day, and today he is an integral part of me. The reality remains if you are meant to love each other and be with each other, it will happen. That’s the power of destiny. Love always wins. Love is important and only it counts.
Words are just not enough to tell you how much you mean to me and how much I need you by my side, all my life. You have touched my life in ways others can’t even think of. Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, falling in love with you was beyond my control!
Three glorious years of our relationship and I have cherished every single moment of it. In these three years together we’ve shared so many things. I hope this anniversary brings us, a wish that love, laughter, joy, contentment will be ours to share throughout the years ahead of us! Thanks sweetheart for every teeny-weeny thing you have done to make me so happy. The more I know you, the more I love you. Happy Anniversary once again!!
CREATIVE PUNS FOR ‘EDUCATED MINDS’
- The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
- I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
- She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
- A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.
- The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
- No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
- A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
- A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
- Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.
- I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: ‘Keep off the Grass.’
- A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, ‘ No change yet.’
- A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
- The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
- The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- A backward poet writes inverse.
- In democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
- When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
- Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
Valentine’s Day Post
Valentines is just around the corner and and am sure many would still be at wit’s end while choosing the PERFECT GIFT for your valentine to express your undying love.
I am no expert but believe me the best gifts are the ones from the heart and not the wallet. Say it with words… even if you are not an expert in giving words to your thoughts, whatever you put down will be poetry to your love.. just get the words out. Any physical gift should be secondary like the icing on the cake and not the other way round. Though I know love now has become materialistic and many judge the love of their partner by the value of the gift. I still remember my first V-day gift..it was totally unexpected and it is the most cherishable gift I have ever received. The little note that came along with it is a treasure and is something I can’t part with.
Anyways. If you are not sure..still, you can never go wrong with flowers and chocolates. Or you could be more practical and go the South Korean way – give hard cash. According to a survey conducted by a local matchmaking company, 27 percent of 256 men who were interviewed opted for cash while 13 percent chose travel-related presents. Twelve percent wanted a wallet, rather than something to fill it with, but only seven percent desired chocolate — the most popular gift in previous years. (Source : The Korea Herald)
So all you people out there, don’t strain yourself unless you want to be a martyr for love.
Happy Valentine’s Day!!!
Finding and Keeping a Life partner!
When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no-one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they’re getting married, they’ll say: “We’re in love”; I believe this is the …1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound “not politically correct”, there’s a profound truth here.
Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: “You can’t build a lifetime relationship on love alone”; You need a lot more!!!
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you’re serious about finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important?
Let me put it this way: If you’re married for 20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage:
(1) You can grow together, or
(2) You can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life!
Bottom line; marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust – i.e. trust that I won’t get “punished”; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.
QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as “someone who is always striving to be good and do the right “;. So ask about your significant other: What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic? Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.
There are essentially two types of people in the world:
(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know
that before walking down the aisle.
QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.
Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self- absorbed?
To measure this, think about the following: How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.. How do they treat their parents and siblings? Do they have gratitude and appreciation?
If they don’t have gratitude for the people who have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone, who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.
QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we’re married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to “improve”; them after they’re married. As a
colleague of mine puts it: “You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse” If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don’t want to find yourself trouble because you didn’t do your homework.
Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A.
Gmail goes Offline!
Guess what’s cooking at Google Labs? Not cooking anymore, rather already served but only to user of US or UK English. Offline Support for Gmail!
With Offline Support for Gmail you can now use Gmail without an Internet connection, just like you can with desktop mail clients like Outlook. Yes, web-based email is great because you can check it from any computer, but there’s one little catch: it’s inherently limited by your internet connection. But with Offline Gmail support, as per Google’s Andy Palay “as long as you’re connected to the network, that cache is synchronized with Gmail’s servers. When you lose your connection, Gmail automatically switches to offline mode, and uses the data stored on your computer’s hard drive instead of the information sent across the network. You can read messages, star and label them, and do all of the things you’re used to doing while reading your webmail online. Any messages you send while offline will be placed in your outbox and automatically sent the next time Gmail detects a connection.”
Here’s the video explaining how it all works:
This feature is experimental and hence you may face certain bugs that still needs fixing. You can find it via “Labs” under the “Settings” tab.
Follow these steps to get started:
- Click Settings and click the Labs tab.
- Select Enable next to Offline Gmail.
- Click Save Changes.
You are done. Now when your browser reloads, you’ll see a new “Offline0.1″ link in the upper righthand corner of your account, next to your username. Click this link to start the offline set up process and download Gears if you don’t already have it.
Slumdog Millionaire – Review
Watched Slumdog Millionaire last night. In a sentence: I LOVED IT!
Yes I strongly detest piracy, but then just couldn’t wait till the movie’s release in India and didn’t think twice before getting hold of a pirated DVD. I guess confessing here will bring down my guilt level.
So getting to the movie, Slumdog Millionaire follows the story of a young man Jamal(Dev Patel) from the slums of Mumbai who goes on to win 20,000,000 Rupees on the Indian version of “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?“. Directed by Danny Boyle and written by Simon Beaufoy, the movie is based on the novel Q and A by Indian author and diplomat Vikas Swarup. Jamal’s story is told in flashbacks of the distant past, recent past and present flowing in and out seamlessly. The movie opens with Jamal being accused of cheating on the TV show. During the course of interrogation by the chief inspector, his story unfolds in a pretty remarkable manner. Through the flashbacks, it is revealed how Jamal answers each of the questions on the TV show not from book knowledge — he has none — but his own life experiences. Jamal’s life experiences are humorous, surprising and, on a few occasions, absolutely devastating. Jamal is searching for two people from his childhood: his wild older brother Salim (Madhur Mittal), now a thief and killer, and his childhood sweetheart Latika, now stepping up from child prostitute to plaything of a gangster. What I loved most is the love story aspect of the movie – how Jamal feels true love and would do anything to get his true love. His belief in destiny, about it all being written, about overcoming all the odds to get the one you love kinda echoes my beliefs(know I am a die-hard romantic). The love interest is played by the lovely Freida Pinto.
Critics in India has been bashing the movie for portrayal of India with slums, poverty, crime, child-prostitution but then one must accept these are realities in India and just hiding it or acting it’s not there, doesnt solve these issues are much worse than what a movie can depict.
With Slumdog Millionaire sweeping the coveted awards of Best Director, Best Film, Best Screenplay and Musical Score at the Golden Globes, all eyes are now on Academy Awards. A R Rahman, becoming the first Indian to win a Golden Globe for scoring the music of the film. So the movie maybe about a slumdog, but the movie is a top dog.
I’m really looking forward to seeing this one again when it releases in India.
Till then, watch a teaser:
My suggestion: Go watch it!
Things They Don’t Teach You at School
- They don’t teach you how to love somebody.
- They don’t teach you how to be famous.
- They don’t teach you how to be rich or how to be poor.
- They don’t teach you how to walk away from someone you don’t love any longer.
- They don’t teach you how to know what’s going on in someone else’s mind.
- They don’t teach you what to say to someone who’s dying.
What They Said Recently